2022
Well, hello.
Welcome back to another absolutely unhinged year. I’m glad you’re here, let’s jump into the laundry list items to get through.
Highlight Reel:
New Year’s Day bonfire
My first-ever polar plunge
My first Kraken game
Cabin weekend
Winning March Madness
Coachella
Growing a garden!
Yachting to seeing Dijon
Julia’s 26th Birthday in Portland
Watching my friends graduate
Taking a film photography class
Tennis Tuesdays
Dancing in the kitchen
Art nights
Housewarmings
Welcoming friends home
Ranch Pants and Benchwarmer Ham
Lolo’s memorial
Rainier Day / Football Game
Chaos cake
NYC for 24 hours
NYC for more than 24 hours
Meeting SG Lewis in New York
Mariner’s playoff watching
Moving Anna’s mattress multiple times
World Cup viewing parties
Brewsgiving
Tiny tents
Home for Christmas
Finger puppets
Ice skating
Holiday parties
Pasta nights
Making tiramisu (still needs work, unfortunately)
Birthday celebrations
Quadrants & charts #WomenInStem
Piemaking
Dancing at concerts
Farmer markets
Face magnets
Funky Fridays
Jello-shots
Capri suns
Karaoke
Group photos
Trying shrooms
Fun coat
BOATS
Drives up to Kenmore Camera
Fourth of July
Old friends crashing on the couch
Gals Backpacking Trip
Car clowning
Art shows downtown
Photo booths
Goodbye sendoffs
GETTING SAUCED
2022 Music Favorites:
I had a much more difficult time determining my top 10 albums than I anticipated, so I bumped it up to 15 because why not. In no particular order (besides Ethel, she is number one; if you are not on Ethel yet, you NEED to be):
Preacher’s Daughter by Ethel Cain
VF Vol II by Sam Gellaitry
Groove Continental: Side A by Yung Bae
Quitters by Christian Lee Hutson
Actual Life 3 (January 1 - September 9 2022) by Fred Again
Jean Leon by Micah Edwards
Being Funny in a Foreign Language by The 1975
Infinitely Tall by Charlie Burg
Wet Leg by Wet Leg
Harry’s House by Harry Styles
Surrender by Maggie Rogers
Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 2 by Calvin Harris
Forest in the City by Umi
Three Dimensions Deep by Amber Mark
Ivory by Omar Apollo
Honorable Mentions:
SOS by SZA - would have been a contender had it been released earlier in 2022
Un Verano Sin Ti by Bad Bunny - would have been a contender had I not been dense and against reggaeton for so long; thank you to Colombia for changing me
Texas Moon by Krunghbin & Leon Bridges - is excellent, but alas, merely an EP
2022 in Review:
2022 was a lot of things. It was also just a lot.
It was pure, fun chaos most of the time. I began the year waking up from a late night out for NYE, heading to a beach bonfire at Golden Gardens, Anna coercing me into my first polar plunge, and somehow winding up at the Kraken game that evening. That is an insane spontaneous day, and a lot of 2022 was like that.
The year felt like a continuation of 2021. The lessons learned this year were built off of 2021. I feel like I say that every year, but in 2022, I truly wreaked havoc. Not in a detrimental way, just in a “what the actual fuck am I doing” way. I traveled as borders opened up, going international three times this year. I stayed out into the early morning hours more than ever before getting SAUCED. Above all, I took any and every opportunity to celebrate together. Graduation, new job. Bop on over to my house. Let’s grab a coffee. I’ll swing by to say hello. More film was used than ever before to document the wacky things we’re doing. 2022 was celebrating especially given all that we have lost and sacrificed in the past two years.
There were harder times when I was thinking is life really this much of a shit show? Maybe life is just a shit show. Sometimes it’s a slippery slope with nothing to grasp onto so I had to just ride the wave. Things came fast. I had to adapt. Opportunities and obligations fell through the cracks and I had to decide what I was willing to sacrifice. I had waves of being overwhelmed by the constant to-do list, and people to catch up with. The goals I set out to accomplish teetered off. I found more gray hairs and still grapple with aging, oscillating between gratitude for the privilege to grow old while rejecting the inventible. This is reality.
Yet, life’s so fun right now because of the late twenties. We’re still doing stupid shit and making mistakes, but we have (some) money. I have experienced enough where I’m willing to shell out a few extra bucks to not suffer because I’m at a place where I don’t have to. I look back at my early twenties and think, how the hell did I survive constantly scrounging like that? Blissful ignorance, that’s how. I took the time in 2022 to be retrospective and contemplative to witness how much I have grown.
When I was in New York, I did a solo photo booth picture to push me out of my comfort zone, to commemorate this moment: I’m 27, figuring things out. I’m at multiple crossroads, trying to make decisions and make it work, and rolling with the punches. I’m doing it for the experience, to create that story you keep telling. Somehow each year goes faster. Somehow each year gets better, maybe because I appreciate the value of life. This was a year for authenticity and reveling in pure unadulterated FUN.
finding community
One of the significant wins in my book was finding community. I have always been fortunate to have community, yet this year it felt honed and intentional. I have support systems in a lot of aspects of my life. I have friends all over the world. The list of people to visit continues to grow. Do you know how many photo streams were shared this year?
I am enthralled by all the people I’ve met or spent time with this year. Amongst all of us, there was the thread to seize enjoyment binding us together. The urge to celebrate any matter big or small. I functioned under the “build it and they will come” mentality and poured energy into friendships and I am happy with the results. OH MY GOD, I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I feel immensely lucky to have them all. From the late nights to borrowing clothes, helping with doing each other’s hair, or having keys to one another’s houses, I ironically feel like I’m in some adult version of college. I really admire my friends and their achievements and appreciate how we celebrate everything. Jobs, birthdays, breakups, breakthroughs in therapy. Big and little. We show up and hype each other up. Help out where we can. My friends show up for me constantly - I never understood how important that was. I know they’ll help me find my way.
Yoga Plunge
I had to take a moment and acknowledge Yoga Plunge. It was one of the pleasant surprises for the year. The only reason I went for the first time was that Caroline S. invited me to go in FEBRUARY after being so wishy-washy in the previous weeks. The concept of doing yoga on the beach and then jumping in the Puget Sound sounded interesting, so why not give it a shot?
I’m so glad I went and took the chance. There is something magical about those Friday mornings with all of us on the beach as the world wakes up and the light touches the Olympics to announce a new day. The serenity of the water is accompanied by the comforting silence of Golden Gardens with the occasional seal bobbing up to say hello. But, what keeps me coming back, is the camaraderie of attendees, a collection of people crazy enough to do it. To dare to show up in the dark or rain for an hour or so and partake in beach yoga. There is a small, but mighty tight-knit community who come. I have met a slew of people I would have never gotten the opportunity to thanks to this frigid activity. There is a bond between everyone who goes, a mutual understanding that we’re all here on this beach together.
There is also something oddly liberating about being in ice-cold water. Wading in, the water ripples around you as your body snaps into shock, reacting to the temperature. You question why you are choosing to start your Friday morning like this, and your mind numbs and settles into the discomfort, surrounded by the support of other plungers. This process has taught me a sense of calm and constantly rejuvenates me.
Yoga Plunge is something I look forward to during the week. It is a necessary constant that provides me a moment to ground myself, to be immersed in nature, and focus on nothing for a mere few moments. To simply be. The beach is a safe space to show up imperfectly. Every single time I showed up, people were so happy I was there. I cannot describe how supportive and accepting the atmosphere is. It is that warmth that has prompted me to continue to return year-round. Knowing there is this support system fuels me on those difficult mornings. Thank you to Lucinda for making your dreams a reality. Thank you to Jess and Kaitlin for leading us each week.
New Friendships
I made a lot of new, close friends this year. This feels significant because adult friendships are hard since we allow life to get more in the way because of responsibilities. That’s just how it is. I think it’s rare to find people who continually go out of their way to make time for you. Even being able to translate activities into friendships is hard too.
Emerging from the pandemic, I think we all fell on one side of the pendulum: continue to be reclusive or put ourselves out there and meet new people. As you can gather, I fell into the latter category. It’s a little bit of seizing the right opportunities and a few chance encounters. I was lucky to click with the PNW newbies. I think it’s because we’re all at similar points in our lives wanting to indulge in what Seattle has to offer. These newer friendships are the products of various friends of friends converging. Roommates, coworkers, college peers, great friends have emerged from the close ties of our social circles. I think what makes me the most excited about this subset of friends is that they match the level of initiation I’m looking for. It is refreshing, to say the least.
Dating
I wish this wasn’t such a large section because it isn’t important. But then again, it is!! I’m constantly conflicted about dating. I went on a fair amount of dates considering I was traveling nearly every month. There were shitty dates, there were great dates. It just hasn’t happened and it’s not for a lack of trying. I’ll rationalize it as weeding people out because “discovering what you don’t want is just as important as finding out what you do” as Elaine Welteroth points out in her book More Than Enough.
After years of primarily using dating apps, I erased my profiles and started 2023 with a clean slate which felt right. I concluded that my notion of the apps “sucking” was due to the underlying expectation that an outing with someone would eventually equate to dating. The apps are solely a means of meeting potential partners. That is it. I would set myself up for failure again and again because of my mindset surrounding the use of them. In addition to deleting my profiles, I did the most Greta thing and made a dating-wrapped (contact me if you want to view it)…it was humbling and horrifying. And, honestly, really rewarding to reflect on my dating for the past year. I actually learned a lot about my tendencies and realized despite not achieving my end goal of being in a relationship, my approach to dating did evolve. I chalk that up to a win.
It’s not all rainbows and butterflies though. I think I am having a hard time with dating in general. It ebbs and flows. I look around me and it feels bad that I am not in a relationship when so many other peers of mine are. I should also be happier for them and I’m not because of my own selfishness. I’m scared of being the last one. I’m ultimately scared of missing out, not having the opportunity to find a partner and build a life with them. Getting left behind is one of my biggest fears. As I approach the age where people are really considering their relationships and coupling up, I’m afraid that I’ll settle because I’m caught up in the rat races. One of my takeaways for 2021 was the value I derived from my female friendships especially since a majority of us were single at the time. I reveled in the fact we were all in our mid to late twenties and laughing about our escapades. Now, things have shifted and friends have found partners. Another facet of all of this is my fear of dynamics changing. I hope this will pass and soon. I know the change won’t subside, I mean my feelings towards all of this.
A lot of these are unsubstantiated fears, a projection of my own insecurities. Towards the end of the year, I revisited another quote from Elaine where she articulates that “we derive our worth from the relationships in our lives - the intimate ones, the social circles we belong to, the companies we work for - we give away our power and become dependent upon external validation”. I think I have invested a lot of my self-worth in dating. I allowed dating and romantic partners to determine how desirable I am which I attributed to my worthiness. People not wanting to date me lead me to feel worthless. With conscious knowledge of that mentality, I hope I may grow from it.
As for now, please do not lament to me about how it is “crazy” for me to not have found someone because “I’m so great” or remark that my standards are too high - you’ll waste your breath. I am ever so slowly reaching a point where I am happy on my own and appreciate that I don’t feel the need to HAVE to be in a relationship in order to be fulfilled. I am content with what I can provide for myself. I can sustain my own happiness independent of someone else. I think that is special (okay, Anna had to coach me through that sentiment after I asked her if there was something wrong with us).
I’m looking to grow with someone. Another reason for deleting the dating apps was that I would like to meet someone organically. Anything successful has overwhelmingly originated from meeting organically. I’m trying to become aligned with the type of partner I’m looking for. In Logan Ury’s How to Not Die Alone (a daunting title I know, but I highly recommend!), she asserts that “a lot of us don’t know what will serve us long-term” and I want to take my time to find someone who does. I have a lot I want to see, do, and accomplish. If someone is there for that, great. One day I think I might laugh at all of this and wish for these nuanced problems because they make life a little more interesting. For now, I’ll continue to try and, at the very least, emerge with some funny dating stories.
The Last Carefree Years
As I alluded to with dating, I feel as though I (maybe we?) are reaching a transition point. I am anticipating change. Things are changing from what they were, or put more accurately, how I perceive the people and places around me. More recently, there have been more subtle indications of relationships taking the next step or putting money down on a house. I’m feeling the weight of people being at different points in life and sometimes that’s difficult to accept as our personal priorities change.
I don’t know why, but as I drove home one day at the end of summer, my mind kept telling me how important the next few weeks are. I think these are some of the last few carefree years before other concerns are pulling at us. There is flexibility. People are starting to think about major life decisions, and in the next few years, they’ll be acting on them. The life paths will be cemented and we’ll head down different roads, whether they cross or not remains to be seen. I am predicting in the next year or so, friends will really seek their lifetime partner, move away to be closer to family, start their own families, get married, hunker down in their careers, or take care of their parents. And that’s okay! My friends are special, I want to soak up my time with them. Wishing things were different doesn’t allow you to appreciate what you have.
Who I am and what I believe
In a way, I’ve never felt more myself. I believe 2022 allowed me to step into more of the person I envision myself to be. I allowed myself the space to crystallize what I believe in and have that inform my actions. As with every year, I was reminded about chaotic I can truly be - I think chaos lives in me. In some way, I think it’s the root of my friendly and personable demeanor which is alright by me. It yielded “Greta is down to clown” which has to be one of my favorite compliments I’ve received or ways I’ve ever been described.
Intrusive thoughts of feeling incompetent, like a failure, or not enough reared their ugly heads at points and overwhelmed every aspect of my life in those moments. Reminding myself it’s not race helped ground me. It’s still hard though. In these instances, I became more conscious that some of my life has been fear-based and I’ve been taught to have shame about not doing what is accepted. I have made a lot of choices out of fear, and for what? To please onlookers? For the first time, I recognized how much support is around me and they don’t care what I do, as long as I am happy. There is no script. I can write it. I can make it what I want it to be, and I am enough. I hope I can choose to do things not because I’m supposed to, but because it sparks something in me, makes me feel alive, or satiates a curiosity.
One of those curiosities that are ever-evolving is identity. I read Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner under the guise that there would be life parallels as she is half Korean, half American. Instead of parallels, it kicked off more of a confrontation with identity and how I see myself, and how others perceive me. Being half, you never feel truly connected or immersed in either culture. Often, you grow up in the echo chamber of one culture with allusions to the other, and at best, being exposed to diluted versions of each. It is easier to assimilate to one, fewer questions to answer. I became more aware of how I subconsciously search for external validation. For someone to regard and validate the culture I was born into. To claim it as my own feels like a farce, I somehow feel like a fraud and need others of that culture to recognize the universal bond that is in us both and confirm, yes indeed, this is true.
I have always struggled with my identity. There is little to no guidance as mixed-race children become more and more prevalent. I, fortunately, live in an area where there are many of us who are half and have the capacity to discuss these complex questions. The remedy for this lifelong dichotomy I have found is to indulge in both cultures and connect by any means possible. I’m excited to explore more of what identity means to me in the coming years.
Gaining Momentum
As I mentioned in my Colombia blog post, something shifted for me on that trip. I still can’t fully articulate it, but being there made me realize how tangible the things I want to do are. Everyone I encountered was doing their own thing, unbothered by outside societal pressures. Ideas were put into my head.
There’s momentum building for me. I have felt a shift, nothing seismic, but change is on the horizon. I think I’ll look back at 2022 and recognize it as one of the pivotal years of a shifting mindset. There is something significant about 2022 that remains to be seen. The experiences I had this year have changed the course of what I aspire to accomplish as well as the pace I choose to do it. One thing at a time, time will only tell.
Hopes, dreams, aspirations for 2023
I’m still working on my goals for 2023, but there is a lot of 2022 that I hope to continue. I want to continue to carry a strong sense of self. My therapist always tells me that I seem aware, and I hope to continue with that as well. I hope that I continue to do dumbass shit with the people I love. We are truly chaotic beings. I want to create more inside jokes and laughs. I want to travel and explore more than ever before. I’m scheming, watch out, I may be in a city near you. In 2022, I accepted that I really like where I am at in my life and I am thankful for that.
Deciding my life right now has been at the forefront of my mind. I’ve realized the benign neglect of my personal development. “Inaction breeds fear and doubt. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy” is the mindset I’d like to harness as I focus on achieving the personal goals I have for myself while balancing more fun activities. I hope to focus on my own growth and my own path while cheering on friends. I want to reject the comparison game because it has only brought me strife.
Also, let’s bring back blazers - this seems right. Wearing more color. Keep it funky. More dinners together too! We love a family meal. And getting outside. And forgetting about technology. Let’s do it all.
For 2023, I’ll be finding more sparks of joy. I want to give myself the autonomy to act on things that pique my interest. Move toward intrinsic motivations. To seek balance. To be open to what comes my way. You are deciding your life right now and life is to be lived.