28, Feelin' Great!

28 was all about GROWTH.

If you have nothing better to do with your time, read about the past years: 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21…I too am shocked that there are this many to read through now.

The Annual List:

Albums/Music: Actual Life 3 by Fred Again, Two Another, Jai Paul & DRAMA since seeing them perform at Coachella

Book: Ironically, I’m still reading Bad Blood by John Carreyrou. It’s funny that I’m still reading this despite reading 20+ books last year!!! It’s dense.

Breakfast: I don’t know. A veggie scramble. I’ll treat myself more to pastries from Fuji Bakery or Temple Pastries when I get my act together and go earlier.

Clothing: Still absurd I even posed this question. Absurd enough to have an answer. Obviously, it’s the piñata tinsel coat. I wore Hannah’s to SG Lewis and had to get one of my own.

Restaurant: Off Alley HANDS DOWN!

Bar: King’s FOREVER. Waterwheel more. Pacific Inn and Octopus when I decide to venture out of Ballard (which I do on the rare occasion!). Mountaineering Club for views. Navy Strength or Inside Passage for fun cocktails! Jenny and I do have a soft spot for some matcha espresso martinis at Belltown Provisions.

Dessert: I hate myself for even outlining these questions years ago. Going to have to go with something homemade like pie. I made a lot of pies in the last year.

Quick Year in Review:

I say something like this more than I should, but I genuinely think my name is synonymous with chaos. That’s just how it is! Some of the most ridiculous things happen to me and it can only be chalked up to who I am as a person. I think when I look back at 27, I think “Well, that was overwhelming.” I’m not going to lie, it was an amazing year of life, but I don’t really ever feel like I found my footing. At most times, I felt like I was a hamster spinning on a wheel. The to-do list was never-ending. There was always some activity going on and I’m trying to balance fun and responsibility, but also embrace this time where it’s just me while setting myself up for the future to achieve the things I want. I felt spread thin. To put more pressure on me, there is a lot of change happening around me and I’m absorbing that as “that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, why am I not there,” which turns into rushing. Rushing into the next life marker under the guise of simply saying that I accomplished it too. With rushing, I’m anxious about “doing it wrong” and, overall, I just make poor decisions in that state of mind. This past year has been a lot of “what is meant for you will come when it is the time.” For a lot of my friends, that time is coming before me and I’ve been working on accepting that. It’s hard too because you want to be able to connect with them and sometimes there is just a barrier because you are at different phases. THAT change is hard.

Dating

An aspect that plays into those feelings is romantic relationships. To be completely honest, dating feels kind of hopeless HAHA. It, at this point in time, is not worth it to me. That is not to say I’m not open to it, it’s just that I’m not making a conscious choice to prioritize it. The dating pool is meager. It’s a lot of prospects who are figuring out what they want and would like to do that with the help of a partner who gets strung along and I’m not going to subject to that.

In my 2022 post, I mentioned that I deleted my dating apps in hopes of meeting someone organically, but mostly because they were zapping any sort of joy surrounding dating. It’s been fine. I’ve been on a few dates, but nothing substantial has emerged. As I said, dating isn’t really my focus right now as I’m trying to get other parts of my life figured out. The little voice at the back of my head taunts me sometimes with the idea of being in a relationship, but I would never want anything that is forced. That voice teases me and makes me wonder IF it’s ever going to happen and those moments are hard. I would like it to happen, but not at the expense of my values. With each romantic interaction, I learn more about myself and what I want in a partner. I can find happiness, contentment, and fulfillment within myself, and a life partner is a bonus to that.

friendships

An area of my life where I feel confident in the relationships department is my friends. With my friends, I feel so loved and supported. This year I experienced the most ebbs and flows with friendship dynamics transforming. Again, we’re at that age where people’s priorities are changing and friendship gets put on the back burner. I made the realization that some of my friendships had evolved or dissipated, and it was bittersweet. At first, I took it to heart as a personal attack on me, but it is really about how we balance our interactions with each other. I wish it could be a certain version all the time for the rest of our lives, but that doesn’t allow either party the space to grow. I can only be grateful for the season of life we had each other’s presence and the experiences we shared.

The flip side of that is meeting and making a lot of new friends! I’m that little social butterfly flying from one activity to the next, playing liaison, and checking in with people. Yes, I do know a lot of people. Yes, friendship is very important to me. I found myself moving between different friend groups and oftentimes blending people together. Within certain circles, we’re at the point where every outing feels like an event because everyone is there. I was texting Katie the other day and showing her pictures from the prior evening. She replied “I don’t know these women, but I love them and I’m so happy they’re in your life” and something about that really hit home for me. I’m so grateful for the friends around me. I’m so grateful for friends like Katie who don’t let miles keep us apart. I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to be with all these friends, together, at this moment in my life.

What can be accomplished in a year

I think more than ever I was astounded by everything that can happen in one year. It’s really easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day especially when you settle into a routine. I know I’m an anomaly with the energy I have to do activities, but it’s just fun! There were concerts galore, new restaurants to dine at, a lot of evenings out, and tons of nights when we ended up closing down the bar when we never meant to. I was able to explore the world a tiny bit more, traveling to New York, Chicago, D.C., Colombia, Vietnam, Singapore, Phoenix, Portland, San Diego, Palm Springs, and Los Angeles to name a few destinations. I’ll remember 27 as a turning point for my feelings about reggaeton music, capping off the love affair by seeing Bad Bunny headline Coachella with Anna who really introduced me to the genre, Emma who enforced it, and Gina who was collateral damage to the whole situation - a true highlight. There were too many chaotic memories to recount like getting stuck in an elevator with David; planning a full day dragging everyone from Caroline’s rooftop to Rainier Day to the UW football game to King’s; taking a film photography course; going to yoga with Hailee; coordinating a 10 person backpacking trip and watching all of my worlds collide; attending the Waste Management Open; celebrating NYE at Emma’s; visiting Shon in Vietnam; partying on a ferry boat for the Fourth of July; running in the streets of Cartagena with Anna and Taylor; dinner parties at Jessie’s; frigid plunge mornings built around camaraderie; watching the Kraken win their first home playoff game with Kofi; or cocktail hopping in Belltown. I could go on and on but it really might make me cry because these are all memories I hold so close to me.

Along with all the moments, I feel as though I’m starting to figure it out more. As I read back through my journals, I noticed incremental changes that oddly enough compounded and led to bigger changes. Who would have thought?! There was a lot of growth overall which is incredible to take note of and finally recognize. A year ago, I knew next to nothing about money and feel a lot more comfortable financially speaking. I shifted my thought process to starting to compare my own progress to myself, which gave me a newfound confidence to go after what I really want. I’m going to need this momentum for the big girl decisions I’m going to have to make in the next few months!!!

Hopes for this next revolution around the sun

I love my birthday because I get to be sentimental and reflective and make it all about ME. Haha! I digress.

I was in a spiral recently about where I’m at, not feeling like I was enough, and what was generally going on in my life. And the thing about a spiral, it’s easy to go deeper and deeper. What helped me get out of the spiral was time, and friends helping to remind me of who I am. I tend to fixate on every aspect, small or large, which pigeonholes me to a specific ideology, and, in those dark moments, is usually negative. I’m working on that. It was nice to hear how I’m perceived as someone who is trying to have fun and live my life with all of these rich, thoughtful experiences because, in those low times, it doesn’t feel that way. I have to remind myself that I have not experienced all of my happy moments or met all the amazing people who will love me. With that notion, I’m hoping this next year will be grounding with more balance. If you don’t know, don’t worry! Some sort of path will emerge.

I hope I continue to grow as always and that I continue to go after what I want. I wrote at some point that I wanted to get outside my comfort zone and I think I do that more every day. From singing karaoke (poorly) in front of people to taking a salsa dancing class by myself during 27, I want to expand my interests and abilities. Up next is probably learning how to ice skate better and surf. 

With all this talk of change, I’ve noticed my own priorities shifting with a focus on taking care of myself. I’m currently embarking on a hair care journey, stay tuned! I’m diligent about sunscreen and consistent exercise. Who knows what other changes will come in this next year! With change inevitable, I hope I will still “revel in the nuanced moments like noticing the cherry blossom confetti on the sidewalk, chatting on the phone for hours, and sending handwritten postcards. I hope I dive deeper into life with photo booth pictures, dancing to live music, and executing my wild ideas. I hope I dare to try and be bold with whatever it may be.” like I wrote for 27. I’m conjuring up more walks, more pictures, more dinner parties, less existential dread, more goal achievement, more late-night conversations, and more delight every single day. Cheers to another year and to 28 and whatever chaotic fun that may come!